How Intuition Changed My Life (My Story)
Let’s get a bit personal (& vulnerable) ok?
✦ I used to always feel the need to control everything in my life.
Even and especially my emotions. I wouldn’t open up or allow myself to feel, let alone communicate them. It was easier to just bottle everything up and bury them deep down. Until I couldn’t hide from them anymore..
✦ I used to plan everything in my life for the next 5-10 years. I basically had my whole life mapped out and was in a rush + so afraid to not get there fast enough.
✦ I used to think that when I would have the career I thought I wanted (as a lawyer) with the salary that goes with it I would finally be successful enough & secure enough.
✦ I used to think that I could “buy” happiness and spent a lot of money buying things (especially clothes, designer bags etc.)
✦ I used to live only in my head and let my mind + fear control me and my life.
This lead me to be hugely disconnected from my truth, my intuition & my heart. I was merely existing, not truly living.
And I was distracting myself in every possible way to forget, to not feel and not face what was going on deep down.
Thankfully, it got so heavy, so lonely, so sad at some point that I had no choice but to face that I was completely disconnected from my truth and deeply unsatisfied.
Nothing happened really, there was no major event, trauma or anything like that. I think I just grew so tired of my own BS that I had no choice but to face it.
My intuition had been silenced and ignored for too long at this point and it was just becoming so loud I could no longer ignore it.
For me it looked like this
I needed to leave everything:
a really good job that I actually loved,
a career path laid out in front of me with opportunities created for me (imagine turning down something like that just because it doesn’t feel right - my head/ego was going crazy!)
a perfectly good relationship (& break an engagement) because it felt like we were growing & going in different directions..again my mind wasn’t on board with it and it took so long to accept that truth.
my old habits, patterns and so many layers of what and who I thought I was + what I thought I wanted and would make me happy..
To leave it all for what?
I left it all to follow the inner calling of my soul.
To follow my heart.
Finally after all these years of being trapped in what I thought I SHOULD do, I started feeling into what felt right to me.
What had kept me from doing this before was the fear of disappointing others and the fear of being judged + rejected (that comes from my childhood).
But you know what? If something is right for you, if it feels right in your heart and soul (not the selfishness of ego), you will know it and it cannot be wrong for anyone else!
Yes, people around may feel hurt initially (mostly their ego), but in their heart the people who love you truly want you to be happy. And it may be a lesson they need to learn, something they need to go through for their highest good as well.
That was a revelation. A huge shift in my life where I started understanding that people pleasing leads nowhere. It made me miserable and all that for what? So that I could not disappoint? But at the end of the day, I am the only one living this life. Shouldn’t I be able to live it in alignment with my truth and what my soul needs me to do?
So I left. I traveled to Australia and Vietnam.
I felt the fear of not having any money because I had no job (+ I was spending all my savings on travels).
But there was always enough and for the first time I also felt truly abundant in a completely new way.
I didn’t feel the need or pressure to have certain things or get more things and started being less attached to material possessions.
I shed a lot of layers.
I was faced with some big fears and doubts.
I felt freedom for the first time too.
I felt what it feels like follow my intuition, my heart.
I turned 25.
A lot of things went wrong.
I loved & felt my heart expand.
I felt free, abundant, connected, at home within me, and still very confused and even lost at times.
I listened to my inner guidance and I wrote my heart out - that helped so much!
I understood it was all perfectly planned and divinely guided by a force much bigger than I could grasp.
I felt more alive than ever before.
It was beautiful, painful, raw, eye, mind & heart opening and pushed me to grow big time.
But what was I going to do when this dream ended?
Because you do get addicted to traveling, to always going new places, seeing new things and it is beautiful a lot of the time but at some point it all ends - like with everything.
I had so many ideas. So much creativity in me waiting to come out. But also so much uncertainty and very little clarity.
And eventually it did end. And it hit me harder than I thought when I came back to Switzerland.
To no job, no relationship, no money (& freezing winter) - feeling completely alone and lost.
I started leaning into trust and surrender more and more. Because that’s all I could do really.
I went to job interviews (and wasn’t anxious for the first time in my life!) which led to quite a few opportunities including one that I went for: a job in philanthropy for one of the biggest watch companies in the world (I’m sure you’ll guess)
It was a temporary contract - perfect for me and my need to be free
I almost got sucked into the comfort again - of having a job and being able to spend money more freely. It felt nice. I also loved working with the amazing people there - it made going to work everyday much sweeter.
But I still felt a void, lack of meaning in my life and like it wasn’t going in the direction I ultimately wanted to go in, it wasn’t the bigger vision.
I had a mini-breakdown at some point which led me to working with my first coach (a spiritual coach and healer) and everything shifted and started aligning perfectly, divinely.
At this point I was searching for my purpose and out of nowhere (not really - it was no coincidence) I received an email about IIN (Institute for Integrative Nutrition) that was enrolling for a 1 year course to become a holistic health coach.
I knew I wanted to be of service and support others in a way. How had I never thought of this? Being a coach and helping people. That was a huge moment as well.
And from that point it all unfolded to where I am today. Not a health coach, I ended up being directed (by life and my clients and myself as well) to life coaching and the more spiritual & intuitive aspect of it.
When in the middle of all this, it was hard to explain made no logical sense.
But looking back I can connect all the dots:
Had I not felt so lost and disconnected from my career path in law,
I wouldn’t have decided to leave it all
I wouldn’t have travelled & learned so much through it
I wouldn’t have touched certain parts of my soul and connected to my intuition
I wouldn’t have been able to trust the unfolding of life
And had I not found a job after my travels
I wouldn’t have been able to invest in myself by working with a coach
I wouldn’t have found and joined IIN
I wouldn’t have discovered my purpose (in that way or at that time)
I wouldn’t have started my business, through trial and error and followed my intuition to this point.
Right here, right now.
I am so so grateful for it all!
And to you,
Thank you, thank you, thank you.